For all the men insisting that banter is just harmless fun, that women are overreacting, or that there’s some kind of witch hunt against them—take a moment to imagine this.
A woman being on the receiving end of this so-called banter from just three or four different men—every single day.
Not once. Not twice. Every day.
Day after day, comments about her appearance.
Day after day, being told women are bad drivers.
Day after day, hearing she should be at home having babies.
Day after day, having her body objectified—her breasts, her legs, her bum—picked apart like public property.
Day after day, hearing ‘women are this, women are that.’
Day after day, being the punchline of a joke she never asked to be in.
And when she finally says enough, she’s told to “lighten up,” that it’s “just a joke.”
But here’s the reality: it’s not about one comment. It’s about the relentless accumulation of them, day after day, week after week, year after year.
Why This Isn’t Just ‘Harmless Banter’
The problem isn’t a single joke in isolation. The problem is the cumulative effect—the constant, repetitive nature of these remarks, often from different men, in different settings, multiple times a day.
It happens at work. It happens on the street. It happens in shops, in bars, in schools, online. It happens from colleagues, friends, strangers, even family members.
It’s a constant background noise of sexism that women learn to endure.
One offhand comment might be irritating. A dozen might be exhausting. But when it happens all the time, it becomes something much bigger.
A 2016 TUC study found that 52% of women had experienced workplace sexual harassment, and a third of those cases involved ‘jokes’ of a sexual nature. And that’s just in workplaces. If we looked at schools, public spaces, or online interactions, the numbers would likely be even higher.
This isn’t a one-off. This isn’t rare. This is a culture.
Why Is It Sexist? Why Is It Misogynistic?
Sexism isn’t just about individual acts of discrimination. It’s about the systemic, everyday reinforcement of the idea that men are more competent, more important, and more deserving of respect than women.
When you joke about a woman’s driving as though her gender makes her less capable, that’s sexism.
When you repeatedly comment on a woman’s body as if she exists to be assessed, that’s objectification.
When you joke about women belonging in the kitchen or being ‘too emotional’ as though their only value is in serving men or being dismissed, that’s misogyny.
When you make the same remarks again and again—**and when different men keep reinforcing them in different spaces—**it stops being an isolated joke and becomes a constant, draining reminder of where women stand in society.
And let’s be clear: it’s not about intent—it’s about impact.
You might not mean to offend, to belittle, to demean—but if that’s the outcome, then that’s what matters.
What Can Men Do Instead?
Think Before You Speak
Would you say this to a male friend?
Would you say it to your sister, your mother, your daughter?
Would you still find it funny if you had to hear the same comment several times a day, from different people, for years on end?
If the answer is no, don’t say it.
Recognise the Difference Between Banter and Targeted Remarks
Banter is mutual, light-hearted, and enjoyable for everyone involved.
If the joke only punches down, if it’s at someone’s expense, if it’s a comment she’s heard a thousand times before, it’s not banter—it’s just another drop in the flood of everyday sexism.
Listen When Women Speak Up
If a woman tells you a joke made her uncomfortable, believe her.
Don’t tell her she’s overreacting.
Don’t get defensive.
Just take it on board, apologise if necessary, and move on.
Call It Out in Other Men
You don’t have to start an argument. Just challenge it in the moment:
“Mate, that’s a bit much.”
“Come on, do you actually think that?”
“That joke’s a bit tired, isn’t it?”
Small interventions like this help change the culture without making it a battle.
Stop Dismissing It as ‘Not a Big Deal’
Words shape culture.
The normalisation of everyday sexism creates an environment where women’s discomfort is ignored, where sexual harassment is excused, where gendered violence is downplayed.
Every “harmless joke” contributes to a bigger system that disempowers, marginalises, and excludes women.
Educate Yourself
If this is new to you, that’s okay. But now it’s time to learn.
Read about how everyday sexism impacts women’s confidence, careers, and mental health.
Learn how casual jokes contribute to a wider culture of inequality.
Understand That It’s Not About You Being the Bad Guy
This isn’t an attack on men.
This is about recognising harmful patterns, challenging them, and making the choice to do better.
We all grow up in a world that normalises certain behaviours. The real test is whether we can recognise when those behaviours are harmful and be willing to change.
‘It’s Just a Joke’ Isn’t Good Enough
This isn’t about banning jokes or policing humour. It’s about basic respect.
It’s about acknowledging the cumulative impact—the fact that what seems small to you can be enormous to someone experiencing it every single day.
It’s about understanding that the way men talk about and to women shapes the way women are treated in society.
And it’s about a simple choice:
Would you rather be someone who dismisses and contributes to everyday sexism?
Or someone who recognises it and chooses to do better?
Because if you wouldn’t want it happening to you, your sister, your partner, or your daughter, then maybe it’s time to rethink what you call ‘harmless banter.’
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